Its only Chapter One
The moment I promised myself I’d never look back, was years ago now. The years, months, weeks, days and minutes had passed and the events over them years had acted like a barrier, protecting me from the real world and even the truth. The facts were; I had fallen in love. In love. When people ask, you feel you have more to offer, more to tell but the truth is, that was it. I had simply fallen in love and even more simply, been destroyed by it. Writing this autobiography could either help me and understand that this is life and it’s now time to go and live it or make everything so much harder to face, after all the truth is the hardest of all to conquer. If it’s now or never, it really is the time to face facts, begin my adult life and begin to love and trust again. In any case, I couldn’t hide away forever, could I?
I hadn’t ever felt like this before, that tight grip in your stomach or the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and happiness. It happened in an instant, some would say coincidence, some would say destiny and others would say luck. I would say, I still don’t know. I guess we were bound to meet at some point. I mean that train from Birmingham to Edinburgh was always going to be packed!
My day hadn’t exactly been the best, late train, late to work, cold lunch, lots of work and a blunder in the office. If it had to happen any day, it would have been then. They do say good things happen when you least expect it. If you had even told me I would have never believed you. That day changed my life, changed me and taught me so many things over the next few years. I sat down next to a boy with auburn brown hair and beautiful brown eyes. His glare caught me in an instant. His hair ruffled and sticking out in different directions, the hair gel that was once there, obviously had rubbed off throughout the journey. He jumped the minute I sat down, straightened his back and smiled in the cheesiest fashion. He looked in the window at himself and tried to straighten up his clothes and sort his hair to supposedly make himself look good. But the truth was he couldn’t have looked better, he was perfection already. As he slouched down in his chair again, yet now wide awake, my eyes drifted in and out of sleep, I dreamt about those days before, the week’s events and years that had just flown by.
That train journey, felt like it was over as soon as it began, the time flew by. I had never learnt so much about someone in such little time. I hadn’t felt this happy before, simply talking to a stranger on a train at eleven o’clock at night. Our lives seemed so far apart, yet so close. They collided everyday yet we had only this once met. He had grown up in a small village a few miles from my childhood home. His father had lived up north, where mine lived when I was young and we had both made the journey from Birmingham to Newcastle every few weeks to see them. His siblings were younger and he had always felt like he was their carer but had never once complained. The words rolled out his mouth and over his lips, they seemed so effortless and painful, full of love and passion. When he talked everything seemed so much more happy and enjoyable. He talked the truth something that I hadn’t come across a lot throughout my childhood from both parents and guardians. Just to know that something as simple as the truth coming from a stranger could mean so much, left me with a content feeling as I stepped off the train. Not knowing what was to come over the next two years could change the way everything around me had looked before and how it could change the person I was into the person I was to become. Something so simple had not just turned that unhappy day around but more my life.
When I look back I smile effortlessly, knowing what we had, was once all we needed. Those nights in, watching worthless television didn’t seem to matter, I was with him and that’s all that mattered. Firework night and standing out in cold didn’t matter, because his arms around me made me feel safe and warm. Christmas Day at home with the family were no longer tedious they were surprising and anticipated. Experiencing life with him by my side made everything so much easier, more exciting and more pleasing. If I could have asked for anything before it all happened, I couldn’t have got it more perfect.
The weeks just disappeared and the months flew by, holidays, weekends away and home days were amazing and even the late nights, dreary mornings and arguments were hard but we managed to get through them and stayed strong. There was no ‘ifs’, ‘buts’ or ‘whys.’ It just happened and everything around us fell into place.
His family became my family and days together felt like they fell into place effortlessly. The days flew by and when I look back now they blur and all roll into one. I took things for granted and felt this happiness would last forever. We would live together, have children together and grow old together. It seems too optimistic and when I look back I think what the hell was I thinking. But the fact was that at the time it felt right, I felt like we would be together forever. But I couldn’t have been more mistaken!
Another I’ll use to describe the end would be to say that, ‘good things always come to an end.’ They did and it just happened. One day we were both in love, the next he wasn’t. That was it and couldn’t be put more simply. Sometimes just for a moment wish it hadn’t happened and everything hadn’t just worked out. I ask myself, would things have been easier? Would anything have changed? One thing I do know that is, if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t have experienced what I did and learnt everything I have throughout them few years until now.
I after everything, two years, one month and 13 days later can honestly say my feelings haven’t changed and the fact I fell in love will always stay with me. My first love. I think it has taught me that life is a series of events that happen, due to everyone and the whole world and nothing you can do can make it any easier or harder, it will always happen. That first day would have always happened and now I would say it was chance, two souls coming together and wanting that feeling of belonging in the middle of crisis around. It worked and worked well but that could have been anyone. There isn’t just ‘the one’ out there for me, there’s many! Just learn to love, live and lust. It’s why we’re here! So now I plan to make the most of the uncertain time I have, after all you never know when it will end.
Sophie Davis
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